Skinny Love – Birdy

Dreaming Awake

Let us make a tiny cottage by the hill. There would be a garden around our cottage where we would plant sunflowers. I would cook food, sweep the floor and wake you up every morning with kisses. You will wash the dishes, clean the attic and keep me warm on cold nights. At summer nights we would make a bonfire right in the middle of our tiny garden and eat marshmallows while watching the stars. And when I complain that I am already sleepy, you would build a fort out of sheets and let me sleep in your arms.

And on Saturdays we would go down to the nearby town, holding each other’s hands in the middle of the busy market. We would buy fruits, meat, vegetables and sweets. And in any case that we lost sight of each other in the middle of the busy crowd, I will not leave the spot where you may have left me. Because I know that is the first place that you’ll be looking back for me.

Right after the sun has set and night started to fall, we would walk back towards our cottage by the hill. We would count all the fireflies on our path and walk slower just to watch them float gracefully beneath the grass. When we get home we would play happy songs and cook dinner together. We would have warm cup of chocolate together and maybe watch this old romantic film we both love until we fall asleep. And for years, we would never get tired of doing this together, over and over.

Reposted: Touching Story

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.

I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son I’m a loving husband.

Disclaimer: I only found this story over the internet. Copyrights aren’t mine.

Basic Needs You Say

I guess every soldier needs a brave companion when they go to war. They ride their trusted horses and choose swords that will never fail them during the battle. So. The same goes for a girl like me who wants big changes next year. That is why I made a list of six things that tops my must-have list before new year approaches. I am thinking of other stuff I need at the moment but these are first six things that appeared on my mind. Well here it goes. Fair warning: I might sound shallow or materialistic. But hey.

1. Typewriter. I know that laptops and tablets are available and would sound more convenient. But using a typewriter is like having an old friend. When you’re using a desktop you’re more careless because there you have backspace. But with a typewriter, you have to be precise of what you’re going to tell and must not be absent minded at the same time.

2. Phone Cases. I discovered just very recently that I have an infatuation for iPhone cases. I thought it was very cute that you dress up your phone according to your mood for the day. And if you know me, you know well that all my gadgets need protection as much as possible.

3. Oil Pastel. And watercolor. I may not be drawing or painting most of the time but you’ll never know when inspiration will hit you. I feel like my table is empty when I got no drawing materials on it.

4. Knit. Yarn. Okay, this is for my next year. I am obsessed with clothes that are knitted. I think they are very comfortable. So I plan to teach myself how to knit and make simple crafts out of colorful threads. I think it’s not very complicated to do though I am sure it would challenge my patience at first. Which might just be great for me. Too domestic don’t you think?

5. Paint Brushes. I don’t know why each time I buy a paint brush I always, always lose it within a week. Which is very frustrating when you want to paint but you can’t find your paint brush or the brush you have nearby is not suited for what you’re working on. So before 2013 comes I would find a decent container to keep brushes.

6. Planner. I always try to find a cute planner. Because when it’s dull chances are you’d get bored easily about it and would not look forward into writing into it. Remember that you’re going to use it everyday so one must find a planner that he or she really likes.